The “circle of control” is a therapeutic exercise that can help visually define what is inside and outside of an individual’s control. I think about it as a concept often in my work.

Three circles are drawn of three sizes, within each other like nesting dolls.

The innermost, smallest circle represents what is in our control. Within this circle is the parts of our lives that we can actively shape and change, including our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. I can put in work to shift my thoughts, regulate my emotions, and take responsibility for managing my behaviors. I can choose to advocate for myself, forgive another person, take a walk when I’m stressed, and listen to a friend.

The middle circle represents what we may be able to influence, but not control. We may be able to influence these aspects of our life, but to a limiting degree, because other outside factors can also influence them. This circle includes our relationships with others, our work, and our reputation. My behaviors have an impact on my relationships, my job, and how others perceive me, but they don’t solely define them. The people in my life also influence my relationships with them. There are many other outside factors that go into my work. I don’t have final say on how people think of me; they have their own perspectives, agendas, and biases.

The outermost circle represents things which we may have care and concern for but are ultimately outside of our direct control as an individual. This circle includes the economy, the law, the general state of the world, the weather, and how people I don’t know think, behave, and drive on the freeway. No matter how much I care, I can’t directly change or influence most of what is going on in the world as an individual. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do what I can to contribute toward a community goal, but it does mean I can’t influence the results to go a certain way through sheer individual will.

I think about these circles often, because I’ve noticed when people are feeling anxious, worried, or stressed, they often tend to focus on the problems that are outside of their control rather than the factors within it. The largest circle rather than the smallest. The idea seems innately counterintuitive. Why would we focus on something we cannot change? Wouldn’t that make us feel more powerless and more distressed? Surely, we don’t want that… 

I’ve come to hypothesize that an inside part of us possibly does want to focus on the things outside our control, because focusing on those issues which upset us is actually easier than taking responsibility for changing what is inside our control. I’m certainly guilty of falling for this fallacy. I sometimes moan about the disconnection of society rather than picking up my phone and reaching out to a friend or worry about my genetic risk for cancer rather than adjusting lifestyle factors in my control to reduce that risk. It’s easier in those moments to rant or worry rather than reach out for help or go exercise, but only the latter actually address my concerns and take steps towards lessening my stress. Focusing on the prior leave me feeling more anxious and distressed with no solutions. 

The circle of control is worth considering and highly recommend going through the exercise to identify what worries may be inside or outside of personal control.