Self Esteem

We live in an era where we are particularly hard on ourselves. We are bombarded, day in and day out, with ways to improve ourselves, look better, younger, and make more money. With all of this information we question our age, size, education, salary and much more. Are we good enough? Should we be better, stronger, slimmer, happier? Many of us struggle with self esteem and many of us find it a lifelong battle. Why is it so difficult for us to love ourselves, nurture the person we are and stand up proudly and confidently in front of others? This is all related to our core beliefs, our beliefs about ourselves and what we can and can't accomplish. To start improving our self esteem we need to take a deeper and more realistic look at our ourselves. Many of us who are struggling with self esteem are looking for balance, a sense of security and confidence in ourselves and in our lives as a whole.

Self Worth

When I begin to talk about self esteem I like to talk about our self worth and what that means to us. Our self worth is something we are born with and we never lose. We are all brought into this world as worthy individuals. We never lose our self worth; we just lose the sense of it. We rob ourselves of reaching, or even recognizing our full potential when we suffer from a lack of self esteem.

Maladaptive Assumptions

Until we are able to look at ourselves in a balanced way, we will always feel the painful effects of low self esteem. Coming to accept and acknowledge our weaknesses as well as the ability to be proud of our accomplishments is one way to find balance in our lives. We need to challenge our beliefs in order to gain a strong sense of self esteem. Many of us have ideas of what we think we should be doing, what we should look like and what we should accomplish. This way of thinking keeps us from feeling good about ourselves and robs us of the accomplishments that we achieve each day.

Things to keep in mind for the needs of the children:

• "I should get the approval of everyone"
• "I will never be able to make it on my own"
• "If I fail at something, then I'm a failure"
• "I shouldn't be depressed"
• "If someone doesn't like me, that means I'm unlovable"

We tend to look so much at the negative that we completely overlook our very important positive qualities and achievements. To improve our self esteem we need to take a deeper look at our core beliefs and rules that we have put upon ourselves or, unknowingly took on from someone else. Our life is precious and we must nourish it in order to feel the richness that surrounds us. We all at some point or another struggle with our self esteem and need assistance to continue to grow in helpful and healthy ways.

Many things affect our self esteem and we must take a deeper look into all of these. Ask yourself, "What am I feeling guilty about?" What is keeping you from changing or improving your situation? We need to take a deeper look into what we fear. What happens if someone disapproves of us or if we allow ourselves to become vulnerable? We need to define perfect and what that means to us? Is there truly a perfect person out there? Is a state of perfection when we accept ourselves for who we truly are? Do we have too high and unrealistic expectations for ourselves or others? All of these questions can, and should, be answered.

Tips to take care of you:

• Surround yourself with things that appeal to you such as lit candles, a warm bath, or fresh flowers
• Engage in creative and meaningful work. Find things that give you a sense of accomplishment and challenge your creative self
• Make leisure time a priority and indulge in something that makes you feel good
• Make time for contemplation and appreciation throughout your day. What is one thing that you feel you could do better and what are two things that you are proud of and/or grateful for
• Seek support from a friend, family member or professional