You may have heard the word boundary before, as it’s become quite a buzz word over the past 2-3 years. If you google “what are boundaries?”, the first thing you’ll get is this definition:

A boundary is an imaginary line that separates me from you. They separate your physical space, your feelings, needs, and responsibilities from others. Your boundaries also tell other people how they can treat you – what's acceptable and what isn't.

If you asked me, I’d describe a boundary as what you define as a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’ for yourself as a unique individual. Here are some examples:

Touch Boundaries: You prefer that family members ask if they can hug you and wait for your consent before touching you. 

Emotional Boundaries: If you feel that you do not have the emotional bandwidth to support a friend during a crisis time, you will let them know that you’ve surpassed your bandwidth for being available and that it’s not personal. 

Time Boundaries: You’re unable to stay out past 10pm (due to your morning plans -  but this boundary does not have to be justified)

Spiritual Boundaries: You express to your partner that you will not participate in the family ritual that goes against your values. 

Conversational Boundaries: You will not engage in gossip about your friends and you communicate this with the friend you are talking to if gossip is brought up. 

Sexual Boundaries: You will not be doing x,y, or z with a new partner.

Technology Boundaries: You will not read a partner’s texts and would like your partner to not read your texts either. 

Relationship Boundaries: You reserve Wednesday nights to spend time with your friends and have communicated this with your partner.

Stranger Boundaries: You do not tell people that you do not know which town you live in. 

Work Boundaries: You do not take on tasks that are not within your job description.

Now let’s talk about boundaries during covid times. Each individual has a different view on the pandemic, as well as different boundaries (or different yes’s and no’s during this time). Let’s talk about how you can express your boundaries! 

Physical Boundary Examples for Covid-Times: 

“I am not comfortable being indoors with anyone at this point. This is nothing personal, I will only be seeing people outdoors or via facetime or zoom.”

“I have missed seeing you! I wish I could accept your invitation to lunch and I’d be happy to get together once you’re vaccinated, but I’m currently only having meals with others who are vaccinated. I hope you understand!”

“I know you’ve said it’s important to you to start seeing people in person again. I respect where you’re at. I am still not seeing people in person but when I am I will let you know.”

“I am okay with seeing others as long as we are socially distanced. Would you like to make some plans for this weekend?” 

“I really need to be close to other people right now. Socially distancing isn’t a huge concern for me as long as we are all masked.”

“I’m inviting vaccinated folks to hangout at my house this weekend, with a max of 8 people. Let me know if you can make it!”

How to formulate a boundary message:

• Don’t lash out at someone who is suggesting something that crosses a personal boundary. Take the opportunity to express what your boundaries are. 
• Let the person know the extent of your boundary, i.e. “I am unable to see you if you are not vaccinated. If you do decide to get vaccinated, we can make plans. If you do not get vaccinated, we can connect via facetime and make future plans when conditions are better in our area.”
• Show support. Let people you care about know what you wish were true. If you wish you could see someone (yet it crosses a boundary of yours), convey that you wish to see them and then express your boundary. 
• Suggest an alternative like a phone call, facetime call, or a zoom session. 
• Describe your current comfort level. Boundaries do not have to be justified, yet you can still describe your feelings and concerns to those you care about and still state a firm boundary.

In consideration of the suggestions by the CDC, I have not included boundary examples that could be potentially harmful to others to others. Included below is a link to CDC recommendations.

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/participate-in-activities.html