Take a moment and watch this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

I love this video. It’s not only hilarious, but also illustrates a point that I talk about a lot with my couples. In fact, I have had many clients watch this video to help paint the picture of navigating communication in a relationship. But I feel the small lesson learned from this video goes far beyond couples and marriages. It is an idea that can find its usefulness within you family, friends, kids, colleagues, pets, and whatever other relationship you can find yourself in.

Here’s the deal: no matter what you disagree with someone, there is no denying a person’s feelings. There is an undisputable truth in a person’s emotional experience. And that truth not only demands to be heard but deserves to be heard as well. Humans are social animals, and as so many of us would not like to admit, we need each other. We need to be seen, to be loved, and be understood as we are by other members of our species.

Along with this innate drive to have our emotions be understood, we also have an instinctive drive to fix. Our clothes are dirty, we wash them. It’s too hot in the backyard, we build cover to block the sun. We see our loved ones crying, we want to step in a take their pain away. We tell them “No, its all okay” or “It could be way worse” or a hundred other variations to try to shift their perspective, end their tears, and be “well” again.

But here’s another deal: sometimes life just sucks. Sometimes there is just nothing to fix the sadness, the anger, the hurt. Sometimes there is something that will fix it, and we are just so caught up in the emotional state that we just can’t bring ourselves to take that next step. Instead of trying to get rid of these feelings, perhaps we could take a step back and just feel for a moment someone you love. Put your arm around your partner and just say “I love you and I’m sorry you’re hurting”. Get on the same level as your kid and let them know you see them in all their anger. Sit down with your grieving friend and experience that hurt together. A lot of the time this can be more meaningful than a thousand “fixes”.

Besides, we can’t always fix things. We don’t always need to fix things. Sometimes we can fix something, and it just might not be the time or the place.

The nail’s time will come. Be okay with everything not being okay. Sit with your loved one and just be. You might be surprised just how much peace is waiting.