The end of 2023 was a little rough for me. There have been many things in my life that have contributed to this, but I believe the standout is that my grandfather passed away during that time. He was very important to me and my family. I am so grateful I was able to attend the funeral as it gave me a very firm closure moving forward.

If you don’t know me very well, know this: I am an avid music lover. I love listening to songs of all types and genres. One thing that I noticed during this time of my grandfather’s passing is that I had a sharp increase in listening to one specific album: The Black Parade. If you haven’t heard of this album before, it’s an alternative rock album by the band My Chemical Romance. The album explores the various ideas and themes of death, from reflecting on one’s life to the meaning of life itself to how our loved ones move on. Looking back, it’s not very surprising at all that I found myself drawn to it so suddenly.

I can’t really express what listening to this album gave me. Sure, there are multiple songs which speak about finding strength after our loved ones have passed. Welcome to the Black Parade sings “and though you’re dead and gone believe me, your memory will carry on”, and Famous Last Words boasts “I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone”. But there are also many more dark scenes, such as in Disenchanted, where the narrator proclaims, “You’re just a sad song with nothing to say about a lifelong wait for a hospital stay” (real encouraging, huh?). Or perhaps in Dead! where he says, “no one ever had much nice to say, I think they never liked you anyway”. It had a ton of viewpoints, both positive and negative, about all aspects of death, some of which were not particularly accurate about my situation. But for me I think it was simply being able to go through an exploration of a subject that I was currently struggling with. Listening to all aspects, good and bad, painful and heartwarming, that I believe allowed me to just be okay with whatever I was feeling.

That’s where I believe this important revelation came to me: in grief, it doesn’t matter what you feel or how you choose to feel it. But it must be felt. I’m not saying you need to have an hour-long sob session, nor am I saying you need to sit next to the ocean and shed a single tear looking out at the horizon. What I am saying is that grief looks different for everyone. We are all going to react differently, act differently, experience different emotions, and need different things to reach resolution. And that’s okay. I think this album served not only as my vessel for exploration of what I was feeling but was also an outlet for expressing that feeling as well.

As the great David Kessler says: grief demands a witness. Our emotional needs during times of loss are important and real. They deserved to be expressed. They deserve to be validated. It’s okay to lean on your family and friends in this time of need, as they probably need to lean on you too. My aim (and challenge, I suppose) is this: if you are in a place of hurt or grief, dare to step into it. Dare to show that side of yourself and allow that piece to be seen, in whatever way that looks for you. Only then can you experience true healing. Only then can you acknowledge reality and find peace. Only then can you find your own way to carry on.