A Sacred Place for Personal & Professional Growth

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During sessions, I’ve often found myself raising my left hand in the air and gesturing in horizontal sliding motions above my head, near my eyeline, at my shoulder, and aligned with my elbow.

I’m gesticulating to explain the concept of emotional bandwidth. It’s an idea that’s helped me in my personal life as well. It could be pictured as a cup that can be filled or drained, but I tend to visualize my emotional bandwidth more numerically, as some sort of vertical meter that measures emotional energy levels from 0 to 100%.

Your emotional bandwidth is the amount of capacity you have, the emotional energy left available, to deal with situations that require it. I imagine we never really start our day at full capacity. Maybe I’m already 20% short because I’m carrying grief and past hurts with me on my shoulders each day. Maybe this week at work has added a 30% tax on my emotional energy due to stress. If I don’t sleep well, skipped breakfast, forgot to drink water, and am now feeling too cold at the office, I might not have much left in my reserves to deal with a troubling family member, and after that interaction, I might feel like tripping on a sidewalk crack with groceries in my hands could tip me towards losing my cool.

Our emotional energy reserves can be depleted by all sorts of inputs. Not feeling well from dehydration, lack of sleep, low blood sugar, or physical pain and discomfort… Extending too much emotional energy by people pleasing, engaging in perfectionism or negative self-talk, worrying over the past or the future, or holding poor boundaries… Disengaging from our needs by scrolling mindlessly, isolating, not asking for help, or procrastinating on caring for ourselves, our homes, and our responsibilities...

When we go through our day depleted of emotional bandwidth, we tend to be forced to handle situations with less patience, and less empathy, and more feelings of overwhelm. Relationships, job performance, and how we feel about ourselves often suffer when we keep operating while so fatigued. We’re more likely to overreact. Perhaps we could instead view emotional bandwidth as a strongman carnival game – the towered meter whose base fairgoers slam with a mallet with the goal of sending a small puck to the top to ring its bell – “Step right up challenges of life, see how over the top you can send me!”

The good news is that there are many activities and adjustments that can be made to increase our emotional energy levels. Sleeping well, mediation, yoga, walking, journaling, being in nature, practicing gratitude, laughing, talking to a friend, holding good boundaries, asking for help, exercise, eating regularly, eating well, deep breathing… the list goes on and is likely familiar as it includes everything therapists love to recommend. These activities are near cliché to recommend because we know they make a difference when we incorporate them into our daily life; they refill our cup.

Trying to tip the scales to better balance our energy inputs with our often unavoidable outputs leaves us with more capacity for the people and tasks that matter; more patience for our family, more resilience for our work, and more love for ourselves.